I went to dinner with my wife last week and we were talking to the waiter about the tragedy in Haiti.

As we talked, he mentioned something that I thought was very profound. He said, “People have a hard time dealing with things in a very large or very small magnitude and usually we dismiss these things in our lives because emotionally it is just too much.”
I thought, “Wow, that is so true!” His example, was that if you lose a loved one, it would be unbearable. But if fifty thousand people die it is almost unimaginable.

Think about space and then try to think what happens if you keep going further. Or think about atoms, neutrons, or protons, and then think smaller. I mean, we can think about it conceptually, but our brain doesn’t function well in the realm beyond that.

If you take this to a practical level in our lives it is exactly the way we behave as well. If a decision seems too big we usually shy away, and if it is too small we ignore it, but both of these are ways of dismissing our reality.

God works in the macro and micro. Many times people think that God only deals with the big picture and then He leaves us to figure out the small stuff. Yet, if you look at scripture, you will see countless times where God intervenes in both ways. Allow God to show you the things He wants to change in you in big and small ways. Doing this will allow you to experience contentment with the small and adventure in the big.

P.s. You can donate 10 dollars to the Red Cross Relief Efforts by texting “HAITI” to 90999.

I was cutting an onion for my wife a few weeks ago and I wanted to cry! The outside of a raw onion is dry, but once you peel and cut into the core of it, the gas is released and that is what causes the painful feeling in our eyes.

As humans, we seem to naturally communicate like the outside of an onion. For example, if someone asks, “How was your day yesterday?” we usually respond with a simple “good.” Yet, just yesterday, you probably had a million thoughts, emotions, and ideas jumbled into that day.

Unfortunately, we take this same “outside of the onion” approach into our marriage. I find that many people have no clue what their spouse is going through emotionally, and when they do find out (usually through a fight), it is like the smell of a raw onion that stings their eyes and it becomes difficult to process.

Husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church and wives should respect their husbands. This is very difficult to do when we have no clue what our spouse is dealing with on the inside.

Take a moment to serve your wife/husband and also ask them how you can better do that in the future. Your relationship with God (i.e. prayer, scripture, awareness of Him) will give you the strength to continue to serve your spouse. Don’t be discouraged if they do not respond right away. Changes usually do not happen overnight, but continue to strengthen your relationship with God and see what happens in your relationship with your spouse.

Many times I counsel couples that are having a difficult time in their marriage. In the beginning of the counseling I will listen to the problems. He often says, “I need time to wind down when I get home, just cut me some slack” or “She won’t stop trying to fix me” or “I make all the money, she should be able to at least have the house clean.” That is usually when he is interrupted by her saying things like, “After he gets home from work he does nothing” or “He doesn’t seem interested in me at all” or “He won’t talk to me.” If I let them go long enough usually they both end in, “This is not going to work.” And that is when I say, “You are probably right.” It usually leaves them with a shocked face and I explain that if things don’t improve they will certainly fail.

Every one of these problems falls back to this basic problem of love and respect. When I listen to the guy, no matter what he says, I hear (in my head) “SHE DOES NOT RESPECT ME.” And when I listen to the woman, I hear, “HE DOES NOT LOVE ME.” It is like they are so focused on their points in their argument, they are missing the blaring emotional disconnect in their spouse. It doesn’t matter who is correct, it only matters that you recognize how the other person feels and why.

When I reveal that they are missing the point and offer advice I will then be told, “I tried to love/respect her/him and it is never enough for them.” Again, I agree with them usually leaving them with a bewildered look on their face.

See, on our own strength, we are not able to give our loved ones the love or respect that they need. Although, when we put God at the center of our lives we are able to receive true love and respect allowing us to pass it on to our spouse. Everyone benefits–God is honored, we receive love or respect from Him, and our spouse receives it as well.

p.s. If you are in marital mayhem, part 2 will describe how to do this…

Many of my days, including this morning, start by looking for something. It could be my keys, my wallet, my kids’ clothes, and sometimes my cellular phone. I will frantically scurry around the house throwing around clothes, opening drawers, and pulling up couch cushions. Usually, after I find the missing item, I will get in my car, race off, and low and behold the fuel light will brighten indicating that I need gas. Doesn’t this always seem to happen when you are late to an event?

It is frustrating when you are missing something and even more frustrating when you are running late. Yet, I think the thing that is missing in life is an indicator, just like my low fuel light, that something needs to change.

See–when you get angry, frustrated, upset, have a lack of joy, a lack of self control, are prideful, unapologetic, or brash it is always because we lack something within our relationship with God.

So how do we get that missing something back? Trust me, the answer doesn’t lie within ourselves. There is a scripture in Matthew 6:33 and it says to, ” Seek the Kingdom of God, above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.” I love this verse because it says look to Him, not ourselves, and the rest will work out…pretty simple.

Be aware of the missing indicator in your life, seek God with all your heart, and you will find what you are truly looking for…

Gravity’s never-ending force is measured at 9.8 meters per second squared. I never really got that or understood that, at least not in physics class. I knew of gravity but could not figure out how it was measured. However, when I talked it out, it actually made sense that an object falls a certain distance over a certain amount of time. Gravity is one of those things that will always be there, meaning that if you drop something, it is certain to fall no matter what that something is, where it is being dropped from or at what speed it is being dropped. You never have to question if it is going to fall, just when it is going to fall.

I have been thinking lately of love and wondering if love has gravity. What would the gravity of love be? People are in relationships over a certain amount of time so when does that gravity get the best of them and what are the circumstances by which they fall. I am speaking metaphorically of course. I have also been thinking, and realizing, that I don’t have any clue what that number would be! In saying this, something I do know is that if we don’t receive love and truly feel love, that over time we look for it in other places.

Take, for example, this common problem that happens in marriages all over the place. Guys generally look at things as challenges that they can conquer. Due to this phenomenon, many times wives are straight up confused. One thing I always hear is “At the beginning of the relationship he seemed so thoughtful, he opened the car door, bought me small gifts, and he listened. But as time went on, he was just working all the time, coming home and playing video games or running off to some hobby with his friends.” As unfortunate as this is, or can be, it wasn’t that he changed, he is still the exact same guy, but his focus has shifted to a new challenge. Guys love the chase and the adventure, although once conquered, they inevitably move on to the next mountain on the horizon. The problem with this mentality is that the other half of the relationship is left fatigued and starving so badly that they shutdown. Now, they too wind up moving on to the next mountain and look to find love in another place.

We like to put things on hold and in false expectation, and hope that they just go away. However, when there is an issue, and there will be issues, we have to address it promptly, because time keeps moving forward…tick tock…tick tock…tick tock–it will not stop! And when we don’t deal with these issues, they will go from “if” to “when”…they will become gravitational.

Multitasking is a huge part of American society, but I think it can sometimes be to our detriment. Nowadays you can be in the middle of a text conversation while listening to music on your computer and have the tv on in the background. I am often guilty of trying to do four different things at once, usually in my car!

My wife is constantly trying to get my attention while I am focused on other things. She can yell my name or even snap her fingers, and I will not hear her. It is only after she says, “Kevin…Focus” that I usually snap back into reality.

I think that this problem is everywhere today. Husbands and wives live under the same roof but they are not in love. Churchgoers attend every Sunday service, but they are not connected to God. People seem to be very social, but they actually feel lonely. I think this occurs because even if we are physically present, we can be mentally and emotionally checked out.

When I am trying to do fifteen things at once, I am really only accomplishing fifteen things faster. I think that most people have the misconception that more, faster, and busier is better. Yet, I feel that when we slow down, check-in, and live in the current moment, then our lives become joyful. Being in a relationship with your spouse, with a friend, or with God, doesn’t require just checking a box, but requires honesty and authenticity with them. Maybe that means we need to apologize, or maybe it means we need to serve someone, or just simply spend time with them.

The holidays are already speeding things up, so this season, slow down and check-in. It will let us experience this season with joy.

I was reading a story last week and I loved it! It was the story of George Mueller. He was a pastor in the nineteenth century who was frustrated that the Christians around him no longer expected anything unexpected. They no longer thought that God would answer prayers, and they were living life from what they could accomplish on their own.

He was so frustrated he started praying that he would have a life and ministry that only God could explain. Anytime he started something, he would pray to God for the resources or strength, and wouldn’t tell a soul what he needed. He wanted to be sure that God was the source of his life.

By the end of his life he had established an organization that distributed 64,000 bibles and had built four orphanages that helped more than 10,000 kids.

You have to admit, that is pretty amazing!

What was more impressive was that he had distributed millions of dollars in direct answer to prayer, and when he died he had only 800 dollars in his possession.

I am thankful for guys like George Mueller that reminds us to plan on God to do the unexpected!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I was reading a flyer the other day from a gym that was introducing a new workout program. All of the details were on this beautifully displayed sheet. At the end of the sheet was a disclaimer that stated, “Individual results may vary.”

These types of programs are very common today. The exercise program that promises a slim waist and more confidence, the financial program that takes you from broke to rich, and even the dating program that matches you with the love of your life. But I think all of us know that to lose weight we need to burn more calories than we consume, to have good credit we need to spend less money than we earn, and that a dating site can help us meet more people, but not necessarily produce love.

I think that the disclaimer of “individual results may vary,” should be much larger and should state, “individual results will vary according to your willingness to change.” These programs provide knowledge or accountability, but they do not provide the results–you do.

There are many gyms that get paid monthly, but people that never use their membership. There are many people that have bookshelves full of dieting books, but never watch what they eat. There are even people that pay to be on a dating site, but never go on dates. The programs themselves aren’t necessarily bad, but if we never use them to our full advantage then we could be called insane. Isn’t insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results?

If we are honest with ourselves, I think most of us would say we are all a little insane. What I like is that God brings my insanity to the forefront of my mind, and reminds me that if I want something different I am going to have to be willing to change.

Most of the time, you could replace any program with just pure and simple willingness.

When I was in high school I aspired to be a doctor. My dad had a great friend who was a doctor and it seemed to me like a great job.
The key word was I thought I wanted to be a doctor until I had to dissect a frog. I was really excited about the opportunity. We got into groups around tables and had all of our tools to dissect. We ripped open the container and the worse smell of my life (formaldehyde that keeps the frog preserved) came and almost made me throw up and pass out at the same time. I decided at that moment to take the option of coloring a dissected frog instead of actually dissecting.

The “stinky frog” ended my dream of being a doctor. Yet, I still think today, that each one of us desires to explore and dissect. Have you ever noticed that most people enjoy the first part of a movie trilogy? Or, how they talk about the first time they ate at their favorite restaurant? Or, how many people remember where there first kiss happened? Why? Well, the first of anything was the exploration. 

I feel that Imagine has been one big Petri dish. Exploring by putting certain elements in the dish, watching, waiting, seeing if things grow, cleaning the dish, and starting over. Because of that, we fail a ton! Although, the things we do discover are the byproducts of allowing God to reveal the results of our experiment.
Remember you were created unique, one-of-a-kind. Take out a “life” Petri dish, try putting new things into it, fail, who knows, you may rediscover your life.

As I sat in a restaurant, I noticed my friend’s eyes starting to drift. I thought he was bored by my conversation, but he asked me to, “hold on for a second.” I inquired about what he was looking at, and he told me that he was watching a customer storm out. I asked him if he was certain, and as I looked out the window I saw her slamming her seat belt on and speeding off. He then proceeded to tell me (because of where he was seated) that all of the waiters were in a meeting and the lady had been seated a long time and never got service.


He was curious to see if the wait staff would notice her discontent as she walked right past the meeting. Unfortunately, they didn’t notice.
He then said something very profound after watching the situation. He said it reminded him of the American Church. How? Well, many churches hold meetings, strategize, and place committees to position themselves to grow. Yet, at the same time, the people that want to “check out” God have not been included, feel judged, or haven’t felt accepted.
The customer at the restaurant wanted to experience the food, but the wait staff was communicating, “I’m sorry, we are busy right now, trying to plan a great experience for you.”
One of my favorite quotes is, “What you do speaks so loud, I cannot hear what you say.” Remember that your actions or your inaction communicates to those around you.